Cop Humor

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Chris Harrison, Sep 24, 2004.

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  1. Chris Harrison

    Chris Harrison Senior Member

    0
    Jan 15, 2002
    Professional Status:
    Certified Residential Appraiser
    State:
    Utah
    WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?

    "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
    after you wear them awhile."

    "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
    worthless document."

    "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
    that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

    "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
    anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

    "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
    help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

    "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or
    I'll give you another ticket."

    "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
    not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
    on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

    "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

    "Just how big were those two beers?"

    "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're
    allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

    "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
    At least you know someone who can post your bail."

    "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
    Sign here."
     
  2. Daniel Williams

    Daniel Williams Senior Member

    0
    Jan 14, 2002
    Professional Status:
    Appraiser Trainee
    State:
    Illinois
  3. David R. Stevenson

    David R. Stevenson Elite Member

    0
    Dec 6, 2003
    Professional Status:
    General Public
    State:
    Tennessee
    Doug, Pam, Lee Ann,Chris,

    Happy Happy policeman make happy happy jokie jokie - happy police keep people

    happy when happy police get happy respect from happy citizenry. custodial happy-

    not police state happy
     
  4. Farm Gal

    Farm Gal Elite Member

    0
    Jan 14, 2002
    Professional Status:
    Licensed Appraiser
    State:
    Nebraska
    :blink:

    David.

    HUNH?!?! :huh:
     
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