Some Grooooners For A Sunday Morning

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hal Pollock, Oct 3, 2004.

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  1. Hal Pollock

    Hal Pollock Senior Member

    0
    Apr 26, 2003
    Professional Status:
    Certified General Appraiser
    State:
    Connecticut
    12 Shots

    A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
    The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
    The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
    The bartender says, "What do you have?"
    The guy says, "75 cents."

    Got Any Grapes?

    A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
    The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
    The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
    Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
    The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''
    The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
    Confused, the bartender says no.
    ''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

    Stumpy Legged Pink Dog

    A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.”
    50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.
    Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.
    Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, “Say what breed is that anyway?”
    The owner says, “Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.”

    The Bar

    A guy walked into a bar... OUCH!

    Bear in Bar

    A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.''
    The bear replies, ''If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there.''
    The bartender says, ''Go ahead.''
    So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs.''
    ''What do mean,'' says the bear. ''I'm not on drugs.''
    ''Yes, you are, that was the barbituate.''
     
  2. Daniel Williams

    Daniel Williams Senior Member

    0
    Jan 14, 2002
    Professional Status:
    Appraiser Trainee
    State:
    Illinois
    A farmer and his three daugheters walk into a bar, and the bartender says "Wait a minute, I think you're in the wrong joke."
     
  3. Joker

    Joker Elite Member

    0
    May 28, 2002
    Professional Status:
    Certified General Appraiser
    State:
    Ohio
    A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink, the bartender said "We don't serve strings in here, you'll have to leave."

    The string goes outside, contorts and twists himself about abit and walks back in. The bartender said "Hey, aren't you that same piece of string I just threw out?" The string replied, "No, I am a frayed knot!"
     
  4. Daniel Williams

    Daniel Williams Senior Member

    0
    Jan 14, 2002
    Professional Status:
    Appraiser Trainee
    State:
    Illinois
    Horse walks into a bar.....bartender asks, So, Why the long Face?
     
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