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Walmart To "dear Mrs. Wolfe"

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mike Kennedy, Aug 30, 2013.

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  1. Mike Kennedy

    Mike Kennedy Elite Member

    38
    Sep 28, 2003
    Professional Status:
    Certified Residential Appraiser
    State:
    New York
    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found... shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

    Dear Mrs. Woolf,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
    minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
    chips.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
    obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    Emergency Medics were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

    15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

    And last, but not least:

    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
    here.' One of the Staff passed out.
     
  2. Bill S

    Bill S Junior Member

    1
    Jan 15, 2002
    Professional Status:
    Certified General Appraiser
    State:
    Illinois
    Saw that on Facebook too.
     
  3. Dean

    Dean Senior Member

    4
    Oct 16, 2003
    Professional Status:
    Certified Residential Appraiser
    State:
    Tennessee
    2005 just called, they want their joke letter back.
     
  4. Mike Kennedy

    Mike Kennedy Elite Member

    38
    Sep 28, 2003
    Professional Status:
    Certified Residential Appraiser
    State:
    New York
    picky picky - tuff audience.

    was emailed it this morning; Leprechauns don't "facecrap".
     
  5. Marion Rhodes

    Marion Rhodes Elite Member

    102
    Feb 26, 2006
    Professional Status:
    Certified General Appraiser
    State:
    Pennsylvania
    True story:

    The last couple of months he had left, my husband used to love to go to Walmart and ride the handicap motorized wheelchairs all through the store. One very busy day at the store, he got mad at all the people in his way that would not move even with the little electric horn buzzer on the chair. Started screaming that the buzzer was bi-lingal at all the people ignoring him. So he went over to the broom section and picked up a new broom to use as a hearing aid for people in his way. It worked!

    .
     
  6. Peter LeQuire

    Peter LeQuire Elite Member

    38
    Jan 3, 2005
    Professional Status:
    Certified Residential Appraiser
    State:
    Tennessee
    Are the Wolfs' now hanging out at Home Depot?
     
  7. Mile High Trout

    Mile High Trout Elite Member

    2
    Feb 13, 2008
    Professional Status:
    Certified Residential Appraiser
    State:
    Colorado
    Mike gets so many chain emails....

    It's rather astounding, really.
     
  8. Marion Rhodes

    Marion Rhodes Elite Member

    102
    Feb 26, 2006
    Professional Status:
    Certified General Appraiser
    State:
    Pennsylvania
    That's cause he is popular and we all loves him.

    Plus he gets some funny emails.

    .
     
  9. MEL

    MEL Member

    4
    Feb 27, 2002
    Professional Status:
    Certified Residential Appraiser
    State:
    Massachusetts
    Good post...funny.
     
  10. J Grant

    J Grant Elite Member

    Top Poster Of the Month

    104
    Dec 9, 2003
    Professional Status:
    Certified Residential Appraiser
    State:
    Florida
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