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  #1  
Old 09-18-2007, 07:28 PM
Ken B Ken B is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
State: Florida
Professional Status: Certified General Appraiser
Posts: 10,378
Default Just for fun.

BRAIN CRAMPS


(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and Why?
Answer: " I would not l ive fo rever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

``````````````````````````````````

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."

Mariah Carey

````````````

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spoke sperso n for federal anti-smoking campaign.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

-- Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward
`````````````````````````````````````````````


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

`````````````````````````````

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."

-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, Vice President
```````````````````


"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."

--Dan Quayle


``````````

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca


````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

````````````````````````````````````````````

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

`````````````````````````````````

"If we don 't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President

``````````````````

"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come
from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

````````````````

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina


``````` `````` ```````````````````````````````

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed, and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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  #2  
Old 09-18-2007, 08:10 PM
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TC TC is offline
 
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Joe Theisman is a moron and a maroon.


TC
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  #3  
Old 09-18-2007, 08:38 PM
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Head Surfer Head Surfer is offline
 
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Default

All seriousness aside those are funny, I don't care who you are!
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  #4  
Old 09-18-2007, 08:46 PM
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Ms. Janet Ms. Janet is offline
 
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Location: La La Land
State: Florida
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 5,759
Default

Thse are great! I can't even pick a favorite!
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  #5  
Old 09-18-2007, 08:54 PM
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Charles Witt Charles Witt is offline
 
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Location: Delaware
State: Delaware
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 1,664
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Funny! Funny! Funny! I even remember a couple of them when they were said!
  #6  
Old 09-18-2007, 09:15 PM
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Hamlet Hamlet is offline
 
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Location: Where the corn grows
State: Ohio
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Posts: 5,099
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  #7  
Old 09-18-2007, 09:18 PM
TC's Avatar
TC TC is offline
 
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Location: Isle of Malta
State: Pennsylvania
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Default

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
Dan Quayle
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  #8  
Old 09-19-2007, 09:19 PM
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Artemis Fowl Artemis Fowl is offline
 
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Location: Hockeytown, USA
State: Michigan
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Default

LOVE THOSE!!

Few More for ya...

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
--Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside."
Jerry Coleman - Baseball Commentator


Lost in translation:

"The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid." -In a Yugoslavian Hotel

"Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup" with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."
-On the Menu of a Polish Hotel

"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
-In a Tokyo bar


My all time favorite is...

USTV commentator
"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them - Oh my God, what have I just said?"
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  #9  
Old 09-19-2007, 09:33 PM
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TC TC is offline
 
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The Arnold Palmer thing never happened.

http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/kissballs.asp
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  #10  
Old 09-20-2007, 02:59 AM
Mike Boyd Mike Boyd is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TC View Post
Joe Theisman is a moron and a maroon.


TC
So is EVERYONE being quoted!
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