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  #1  
Old 08-30-2013, 08:44 AM
Mike Kennedy's Avatar
Mike Kennedy Mike Kennedy is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Southern Hudson Valley
State: New York
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 28,185
Default Walmart To "dear Mrs. Wolfe"

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found... shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.
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  #2  
Old 08-30-2013, 09:07 AM
Bill S Bill S is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Chicago, IL
State: Illinois
Professional Status: Certified General Appraiser
Posts: 342
Default

Saw that on Facebook too.
  #3  
Old 08-30-2013, 11:57 AM
Dean Dean is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Farmington
State: Tennessee
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 1,081
Default

2005 just called, they want their joke letter back.
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  #4  
Old 08-30-2013, 11:57 AM
Mike Kennedy's Avatar
Mike Kennedy Mike Kennedy is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Southern Hudson Valley
State: New York
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 28,185
Default

picky picky - tuff audience.

was emailed it this morning; Leprechauns don't "facecrap".
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  #5  
Old 08-30-2013, 01:24 PM
Marion Rhodes's Avatar
Marion Rhodes Marion Rhodes is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Poconos
State: Pennsylvania
Professional Status: Certified General Appraiser
Posts: 11,270
Default

True story:

The last couple of months he had left, my husband used to love to go to Walmart and ride the handicap motorized wheelchairs all through the store. One very busy day at the store, he got mad at all the people in his way that would not move even with the little electric horn buzzer on the chair. Started screaming that the buzzer was bi-lingal at all the people ignoring him. So he went over to the broom section and picked up a new broom to use as a hearing aid for people in his way. It worked!

.
  #6  
Old 08-30-2013, 01:58 PM
Peter LeQuire's Avatar
Peter LeQuire Peter LeQuire is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: A long way from Nutbush
State: Tennessee
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 6,017
Default

Are the Wolfs' now hanging out at Home Depot?
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  #7  
Old 09-03-2013, 02:41 PM
Mile High Trout's Avatar
Mile High Trout Mile High Trout is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: -
State: Colorado
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 12,755
Post

Mike gets so many chain emails....

It's rather astounding, really.
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  #8  
Old 09-03-2013, 02:55 PM
Marion Rhodes's Avatar
Marion Rhodes Marion Rhodes is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Poconos
State: Pennsylvania
Professional Status: Certified General Appraiser
Posts: 11,270
Default

That's cause he is popular and we all loves him.

Plus he gets some funny emails.

.
  #9  
Old 09-04-2013, 08:43 AM
MEL's Avatar
MEL MEL is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Northeast
State: Massachusetts
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 792
Default

Good post...funny.
  #10  
Old 09-04-2013, 10:30 AM
J Grant's Avatar
J Grant J Grant is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
State: Florida
Professional Status: Certified Residential Appraiser
Posts: 24,091
Default

Too funny! ):
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