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Because I am a man.

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Theresa James

Thread Starter
May 8, 2004
Professional Status
Certified Residential Appraiser
This was sent to me by a MALE FRIEND.....so I must assume it to be true.

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in
the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long
after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option.
I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running
very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the
engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to
the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break
wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold,
I need someone to bring me soup and take
care of me while I lie in bed an d moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick
as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied
upon to purchase basic groceries at the store,
like milk or bread. I cannot be expected
to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops working, I will insist on taking
it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the
television remote control in my hand while
I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss a whole show looking for it,
though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator instead
(applies to engineers only)
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask
me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex,
sports or sex. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so just don't ask.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to
ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of
it, I didn't... and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards . . then I
will certainly at least remember the
name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what you were wearing five
minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. It does not make your *** look
too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and
margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all,
the year 2008, I will share equally in the
housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming,
and the dishes, and I'll do the rest . Like
wandering around in the garden with a
beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for
women to better understand men.

Last edited:

Lee in L.A.

Elite Member
Jan 24, 2002
Professional Status
Certified Residential Appraiser
Some of it's true, but obviously not written by a man. :leeann2:


Elite Member
Aug 14, 2007
Professional Status
Certified Residential Appraiser
Now THIS was written by a man:

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar.
At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th
wedding anniversary, to take a few, minutes and share some insight into how he
had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her
nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for
the 20th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands
here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to get her."

Ray Miller

Elite Member
Feb 20, 2002
Professional Status
Licensed Appraiser
Sort of reminds me of my sister and her husband. Married now for over 35 years. They both retired four years ago.

He now leaves early every morning and goes to work the family farm. She gets and goes to work at the Hobby Lobby. They both don't need the money for sure.

For forty one years he traveled over N. America and painted commercial buildings at home most any given time 2 days out of 14 days or 21 days. Some times gone up to 3 months or more before coming back home. She held a job at Halmark Cards for some 40 years. After they retired they found that they could not get a long as well as they did when both were working full time. He says the farm keeps him sane now, and she says she gets to meet interesting people at work, instead of some ole fuddy duddy around the house. I think they may make it to the 50th, I don't know yet about the 75th


Senior Member
Aug 23, 2002
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
Because Iam a man, I didnt read any of that trash written by someone of the weaker sex.


Elite Member
May 28, 2002
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: Who cares? The better question is why isn't she still in the kitchen?


Elite Member
Jun 13, 2006
Professional Status
Certified Residential Appraiser
North Carolina
I cannot be expected
to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
For all I know, these are the same thing.

Tofu is not a food. It is a food byproduct.

While we are on the topic, "metrosexual" just means they are still in the closet.
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