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Detroit Lions - FUNNY

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Mary Tiernan

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Senior Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2003
Professional Status
Retired Appraiser
State
Michigan
The Michigan State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into
Detroit. For the first offense, they give you two Detroit Lions tickets. If
you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Lions.

Q. What do the Lions and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.

Q. How do you keep the Lions out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. Where do you go in case of a tornado?
A. To the Detroit Lions Stadium - they never have a touchdown there!

Q. What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring ?
A. A thief.

Q. What's the difference between the Lions and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Lions does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out.

Q. What do the Lions and a possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
 

Flatlander

Sophomore Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2007
Professional Status
Certified Residential Appraiser
State
Michigan
Good one Mary, LMAO!
 

Michigan CG

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Nov 1, 2006
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
State
Michigan
Subject: 2009 Lions schedule and rules


2009 LIONS SCHEDULE

September
13................Taft Junior High School
20................Cub Scout Troop #101
27.................Detroit Blind Academy

October
04.................Spanish American War Vets
11................Crippled Children's Home
18.................Eloise Mental Hospital
25................Girl Scout Troop # 353

November
01..................Michigan Venereal Disease Clinic
08..................Fraser Boys Choir
15.................Korean Amputees
22..................National Hospital Pastoral Ministers
26..................Great Lakes Synchronized Swimming Team


SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME
December 08..................Grand Rapids Gay Boys Club


RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **


1 - When playing polio patients, the Lions must not disconnect knee braces.
2 - When playing the Blind Academy, the Lions must not hide the football under their jerseys.

** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **


1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line. For all you Lions fans that have never seen this) it is still worth 6 points.
2 - The Lions will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.
3 - The Lions will be allowed to substitute with band members at anytime.
4 - The Lions will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team.
5 - The Lions will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.


** NAME CHANGE **

The Detroit Lions will be changed to the "Detroit Tampons" as they are only good for one period and have no second string.

** PLAYER CHANGE **

Field goal kicker will be replaced by Monica Lewinsky. She will no doubt blow a few, but she certainly won't choke on the big ones!!!
 

MARKETVALUENOW

Sophomore Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Professional Status
Licensed Appraiser
State
Michigan
Tim-

Your walking a thin line here. I would think that you need to be a Lions fan for at least a few seasons before it is O.K. to start cracking jokes. Michiganders do still have Lions pride, regardless of how bad they are.

Questions: Would you want the Wolverines/Spartans or the Hawkeyes to win? How long until that changes?
 

Michigan CG

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Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Nov 1, 2006
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
State
Michigan
Tim-

Your walking a thin line here. I would think that you need to be a Lions fan for at least a few seasons before it is O.K. to start cracking jokes. Michiganders do still have Lions pride, regardless of how bad they are.

Questions: Would you want the Wolverines/Spartans or the Hawkeyes to win? How long until that changes?

The whole country is cracking jokes....most aren't Lion's fans.....:new_smile-l: We are Chiefs fans....it was tough this year for us too.

We are Hawkeye fans, doubt that will ever change....but we are also (me and my two kids) fans of anyone playing the Wolverines....it was a good year for us. :new_multi:

When Michigan plays Michigan State we will be cheering for the Spartans.
 

Kali the Boston Terrier

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 7, 2003
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
State
Michigan
Nah...TE has been here a year, he is just as jaded as the rest of us. Welcome, go ahead join the chorus
 

Smokey Bear

Elite Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2004
Professional Status
Certified Residential Appraiser
State
California
Who are the Lions? LOL this is funny and I've never heard of them. Maybe this is why?
 

Michigan CG

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Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Nov 1, 2006
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
State
Michigan
Two guys from Detroit, Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, 'What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?'

The two guys reply, 'Well, you know, we're from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know.'

The devil gets a little steamed up and he decides to fix
the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Detroit and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished. 'Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you seem to be enjoying yourselves.'

The 2 Michiganders reply, 'Well, ya know, we didn't get too much warm weather up there in Detroit, so we've just got to have a cookout when the weather is this nice.'

The devil is absolutely furious, he decides to turn all the heat in hell off.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, the people are shivering so miserable, they are unable to wail or moan.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with the 2
Michiganders. He finds them back in their parkas, mittens and hats. They are jumping up and down and cheering.

The devil was dumbfounded. 'I don't understand, when I turn the heat up, you're happy. Now it's freezing cold, and you're happy. What is wrong with you two?'

The Michiganders look at the devil in surprise. 'Well, don't ya know - if hell froze over, that must mean one
thing..........

The Lions won the Super Bowl!'
 
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