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Jasper and the uncooked yeast rolls

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Kristina Ledesma

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Michigan
Funny to those of us with animals that do dumb things. Last year my Chocolate Lab "puppy" Porter (my avatar) knocked a glass ornament off the tree with his tail and decided to chase it and "catch" it. Needless to say, we only found 1/2 the evidence an hour later. The vet prescribed wonderbread to bind around the glass so it passed safely though his system. He's also know as "Big Dumb Brown Dog".
Happy Holidays!!
Kris


By Ann Jeffries
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several! nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was however assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat on Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for five hours. After three hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30 PM when I went to the living room to retrieve the pans. Much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night. Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part. We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dogs out to relieve themselves. Well, the damn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls and falling flat on his butt. Most of the time when he was walking, his front half was going in one direction and the other half was either dragging the floor or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.

I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours! Also we had to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk [124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to ****, and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunk dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, "what goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind.

But alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house. Having discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel.

I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the damn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor. These had to be brushed too. Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them, and decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.
Now I'm doing research on the computer as to "How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet."

And how was your Day?
 
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Hamlet

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I loved your story!:rof: :rof: :rof:
 

Kristina Ledesma

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Michigan
Thanks :)
Don't you have a mischievous lab too?

I have a plethora of animals; 1 horse, 2 big dogs and 3 cats. They always entertain us and "surprise" us with fun little adventures, usually to the emergency vet-and usually just before we are headed out of town.
 

Mr Rex

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I'd like to party with your dog.:new_all_coholic: I like yeast rolls too.
 

Kristina Ledesma

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Oct 12, 2006
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Certified Residential Appraiser
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Michigan
Whyy's yesss osiffer.....I's hadda cupla dozzen raw yeast rolls toonite! hiccup!
 

Mr Rex

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My story is a little less appetizing, so ye of weak stomach turn away now. When my namesake, Mr Rex (dog rest his soul), was a young pup of 10 months or so, he would eat anything and chewed on everything. On one of our daily patrols around the back 40, I noticed he was trying to clear his rear after a routine bombing mission. There was a piece of hay baling twine hanging out. Well, we bale in big round bales around here, about 6 ft high bales. I don't need to explain that the diameter is 2X the radius and the circumference is Pi X diameter etc for you to understand what happened when I grabbed the end of the twine and he took off running:rof:
 

Kristina Ledesma

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Oct 12, 2006
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Certified Residential Appraiser
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Michigan
That's funny!

I have had a few such circumstances of ingested stringy stuff. Have to be careful when pulling said items out, because it can cause damage to the intestine.

We had a Beagle. She ate everything. Our concrete driveway, two garage door openers, 8 VCR tapes, 1 bottle of DRANO! We didn't know about the Drano, she had gone into the basement, pulled out the Drano off the second shelf supply box. I went down there and found the empty bottle on the floor chewed bottle and the cap was in the stool in the back yard.
 

Mr Rex

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Dogs dropping acid. Wow man:Eyecrazy:
 

Hamlet

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Aug 14, 2006
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Ohio
Hi Kristina,

Yes I do have a very mischievous lab named, Hamlet. Fortunately I’ve had no serious incidents like most lab owners have with eating rocks and tennis balls and such that can really cause problems. Hamlet’s favorite is grasshoppers. He just loves to chase them down and gorge himself in the fall, then of course the obligatory throw them up on the carpeting…:rof: I have to say though; he is a gentleman and never takes food out of kid’s hands or tries to scarf things off of low tables. Good thing too, cuz if he got hold of some yeast rolls, and blow up we’d never get through the front door!!:new_multi:

Here is my handsome boy...
 

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