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MUST READ! How to give a cat a pill.

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Zmcraney

Thread Starter
Junior Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2007
Professional Status
Licensed Appraiser
State
Mississippi
How to Give A Cat a Pill..

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding A baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth And gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As Cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and Swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
Paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
Mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call Spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and Rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head Firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down Ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail; get another pill from foil wrap. Make Note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just Visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth Open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to Take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from Carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another Beer Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head Showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon Flick pill down throat with Elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply whiskey to Cheek to disinfect and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Toss Back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from tree across the Road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid Cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie the little &%*%[email protected]#'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and Bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from Shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet, and be rough About it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to Wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency Room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes Pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new Table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect Mutant Cat From Hell and call local pet Shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How to Give A Dog A Pill...

1. Wrap it in bacon.
 

Mike Boyd

Elite Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2002
Professional Status
Retired Appraiser
State
California
Hilarious!!!

However, with the cats I used to have, I would cut a slit in a piece of fish, chicken or liver, tuck the pill in the slit then put it in its dish. 5 minutes later, my dog would come in from the kitchen licking his lips.
 

Caligirl

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 27, 2006
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
State
California
That's nothing. Have you ever tried to give a cat a bath?
 

teh l33t

Sophomore Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2007
Professional Status
Certified Residential Appraiser
State
Texas
How about trying to trim their nails? Ouch! I still have scars.
 

Lawrence R.

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2007
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
State
South Carolina
My stepmom works for the SAWL.and

All she does is puts it in the corner of their mouth, holds it closed, and blows in their faces. They instinctively swallow. Easy as that.

Of course, she is a pro, but I have had to do it once, and it worked for me the second time.

But before she married my father in law, I was right there with you!!
 

Zmcraney

Thread Starter
Junior Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2007
Professional Status
Licensed Appraiser
State
Mississippi
this actually didn't happen to me it was an email I got and just had to share with the masses
 

Terrel L. Shields

Elite Member
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
May 2, 2002
Professional Status
Certified General Appraiser
State
Arkansas
Have you ever tried to give a cat a bath?
That's easy. Put some shampoo in the toliet, drop kitty into toliet, close lid rapidly and flush...flush again to rinse, then while still holding lid down, place large landing net over lid and remove hand, Cat rockets into landing net and quickly transfer to the nearest outside door....
 

Mike Boyd

Elite Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2002
Professional Status
Retired Appraiser
State
California
That's easy. Put some shampoo in the toliet, drop kitty into toliet, close lid rapidly and flush...flush again to rinse, then while still holding lid down, place large landing net over lid and remove hand, Cat rockets into landing net and quickly transfer to the nearest outside door....

I thought you would hold the cat by the tail in order to keep it from going down the drain. LOL
 
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