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I tell them the LAW does not allow me to tell them or discuss with them anything about the appraisal. I even tell them about how I can not give them a copy.
Then I explain that if the lender give me permission IN WRITING, then and only then can I talk with them.
I say "Please dont ask me to break the LAW. I dont make the rules, the gubermint does."
Takes the heat off most of the time. I dont use big words with anyone.