Mike McBeth
Freshman Member
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2003
- Professional Status
- Certified Residential Appraiser
- State
- Oregon
This was from Appraisal Buss News Leter
Appraisal Buzz Newsletter -- May 5, 2003
Appraisers Say The Darndest Things!
By Barry Bates
For the past few months, as I looked over countless appraisals, I saved some of the jewels that make a reviewer's life worthwhile. I'm hoping somebody will pick up these ACTUAL APPRAISAL COMMENTS and start an anthology somewhere. Maybe we could all deposit them to a forum online or something. I have added my own snide remark to each one. Have fun! (And don't tell my boss I was doing this on company time!!)
Streetlights: Dusk to Dawn
[When the vampires come out!]
Streetlights: Electric
[I hear they're starting to phase out gas lamps!]
There is a shortage in the supply and demand.
[At least there isn't an oversupply in the demand and supply.]
Be careful of this value, I believe the lady is going to clean out her husband secretely [sic].
[Sir, yes, sir!! I will guard it with my life! What kind of tools will she be using?]
The reason the house is in such immaculate condition is that the owners are German Baptists.
[Unlike those dirty Austrian Congregationalists next door!]
Subject is close to shopping, services and houses of whorship [sic].
[Which is convenient, because it's also next door to an Air Force Base.]
The appraiser is not aware of the existence of radon gas.
[Nor is radon gas aware of the existence of the appraiser.]
Can be rebuilt if involuntarily destroyed.
[DARN those stubborn houses!]
Apparent Easements: In Gross
[No egress hunting, either!]
The populous has the financial and economic desire to absorb competitive offerings.
[A populous is a cross between a porpoise and a puppy.]
The comparables were marketed to the effect of these transactions but are not currently offered for sale.
[This one makes my head hurt.]
THE BACK YARD GRASS IS SOMEWHAT SPACE.
[But is it really? Or does one merely get spacey when one smokes it?]
Subject is located on a busy street, however, unit is located inside.
[Sorry, I'm looking for an outside unit in the hallway.]
Please note appraiser's environmental limitations.
[And quit focusing on the ones he was born with?]
Interior decorum is average.
[Outdoors, it's a little better, but every once in a while, little Willie still sticks bread up his nose.]
THE OPINION OF VALUE IN THIS REPORT HAS BEEN GATHERED FROM LOCAL BUILDERS.
[It's a good thing he didn't try to come up with one himself.]
Topography: Moderate Slope to the Stereo
[So you can get to it quicker when you want to change CDs...?]
Items of personality were not included in the overall value of the subject property.
[Now I know what they meant when they said that an appraiser was just someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.]
Existing/Proposed: YES
["MAYBE" would have been so much more mysterious.]
Street: PUBIC
[Driving on it gets a little hairy.]
Driveway: CRUSHED STONE
[In California, we call that "gravel".]
Land use is applied to subject area.
[Topically, 3 times a day before meals.]
There are no known or observed environmental conditions.
[Property is located at the event horizon of a black hole.]
There are no adverse conditions that should affect the value of the marketability.
[But appraiser IQ may affect the marketability of the value.]
Street Lights: Above Ground
[But the light is so much more subtle when they're buried about 6 feet under....]
The subject has lake view and is located in a lake community that has a community lake.
[Yeah, but is there a lake?]
No environmental conditions noted which is an extraordinary assumption.
[Thousands of Buddhist monks have gone insane trying to figure this one out.]
SEE PLAT MAP FOR DEMENTIONS
[No, I already get those from my kids...]
Appraisal Buzz Newsletter -- May 5, 2003
Appraisers Say The Darndest Things!
By Barry Bates
For the past few months, as I looked over countless appraisals, I saved some of the jewels that make a reviewer's life worthwhile. I'm hoping somebody will pick up these ACTUAL APPRAISAL COMMENTS and start an anthology somewhere. Maybe we could all deposit them to a forum online or something. I have added my own snide remark to each one. Have fun! (And don't tell my boss I was doing this on company time!!)
Streetlights: Dusk to Dawn
[When the vampires come out!]
Streetlights: Electric
[I hear they're starting to phase out gas lamps!]
There is a shortage in the supply and demand.
[At least there isn't an oversupply in the demand and supply.]
Be careful of this value, I believe the lady is going to clean out her husband secretely [sic].
[Sir, yes, sir!! I will guard it with my life! What kind of tools will she be using?]
The reason the house is in such immaculate condition is that the owners are German Baptists.
[Unlike those dirty Austrian Congregationalists next door!]
Subject is close to shopping, services and houses of whorship [sic].
[Which is convenient, because it's also next door to an Air Force Base.]
The appraiser is not aware of the existence of radon gas.
[Nor is radon gas aware of the existence of the appraiser.]
Can be rebuilt if involuntarily destroyed.
[DARN those stubborn houses!]
Apparent Easements: In Gross
[No egress hunting, either!]
The populous has the financial and economic desire to absorb competitive offerings.
[A populous is a cross between a porpoise and a puppy.]
The comparables were marketed to the effect of these transactions but are not currently offered for sale.
[This one makes my head hurt.]
THE BACK YARD GRASS IS SOMEWHAT SPACE.
[But is it really? Or does one merely get spacey when one smokes it?]
Subject is located on a busy street, however, unit is located inside.
[Sorry, I'm looking for an outside unit in the hallway.]
Please note appraiser's environmental limitations.
[And quit focusing on the ones he was born with?]
Interior decorum is average.
[Outdoors, it's a little better, but every once in a while, little Willie still sticks bread up his nose.]
THE OPINION OF VALUE IN THIS REPORT HAS BEEN GATHERED FROM LOCAL BUILDERS.
[It's a good thing he didn't try to come up with one himself.]
Topography: Moderate Slope to the Stereo
[So you can get to it quicker when you want to change CDs...?]
Items of personality were not included in the overall value of the subject property.
[Now I know what they meant when they said that an appraiser was just someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.]
Existing/Proposed: YES
["MAYBE" would have been so much more mysterious.]
Street: PUBIC
[Driving on it gets a little hairy.]
Driveway: CRUSHED STONE
[In California, we call that "gravel".]
Land use is applied to subject area.
[Topically, 3 times a day before meals.]
There are no known or observed environmental conditions.
[Property is located at the event horizon of a black hole.]
There are no adverse conditions that should affect the value of the marketability.
[But appraiser IQ may affect the marketability of the value.]
Street Lights: Above Ground
[But the light is so much more subtle when they're buried about 6 feet under....]
The subject has lake view and is located in a lake community that has a community lake.
[Yeah, but is there a lake?]
No environmental conditions noted which is an extraordinary assumption.
[Thousands of Buddhist monks have gone insane trying to figure this one out.]
SEE PLAT MAP FOR DEMENTIONS
[No, I already get those from my kids...]
