Darwin Award Winner Of The Week

[xmusienb]

I was bumping around the MLS this evening:

Very clean home in a great area in town. This home has 2 large living areas and a formal dining room. The 2 car garage is oversized and there is a center block and rod-iron fence in the front of the home. Call listing agent for more info.

 

[Steve Wyrick]

A high school graduate who learned how to spell under the whole language system. :rainfro:

 

[Bill Rose]

They just don't write like that any more!

 

[Tom Barclay]

Peter,
Not to excuse your example, but I have seen much worse in the grammer, syntax and spelling in appraisals I have reviewed. And some come from highly educated and qualified people. I'm sure I have made equally drastic mistakes, especially with the quantity of material we as appraisers produce under deadlines.

 

[Steve Owen]

My pet peeve is using their for they're or your for you're. Still:

"It's a damned poor mind that can't think of at least two ways to spell any word."

Andrew Jackson

 

[Richard Carlsen]

Years ago, (back in the "old days") when I was selling real estate, the two words in the MLS or Homes magazine that used to drive me up a wall and cause me not to show a house were the use of "Cute" or "Dollhouse" in a ad.

There is something very unmasculine about living in a "Dollhouse".

I know what they meant but there are certainly enough other words in the language that could be used to better describe the attributes.

 

[Claude From NY]

Richard: Around here the sales agent code for "cute" house or a "dollhouse" means 2 or less bedrooms and under 800 sq.ft. GLA.

Our MLS has improved significantly over the past years. I really can not complain about it. You just have to be able to read through all the agent code and euphemisms.


A few more real estate agent descriptions (codes) found on our local MLS:


Do not windshield: The exterior looks like crap but the inside ain't half bad.

Curb Appeal: Yes the curbs look O.K. but the rest of the property is in a shambles.

Bring your own paint brush: Bad news, most likely a dilapidated hunk of junk.

Bring you check book: The seller of the above property is beyond desperate and will just about take anything to make a deal.

Central Location: Uh Oh! Fronts a major highway and has a railroad running across the back.

Mrs. Clean Lives Here: Expect to find average maintenance at best. At least you shoes wont be sticking to the floors.

Room for Mom: Accessory unit, probably not legal

Has great potential: Most likely the worst condition and smallest house in the neighborhood.

Winter Water-view: If you stand on the roof in the dead of winter you may catch a glimpse of the bay, 15 miles away.

Waterfront: Subject property abuts a storm water catch basin or a garbage ridden creek is in the back.

Do not disturb occupants: Forget showing this house! Uncooperative tenants.

And a favorite of mine: Owner will sell herself.

 

[Pamela Crowley (Florida)]

I'll always remember the one where MLS said "Shows like a model".

Reality:

Some wood rot on exterior siding in various places plus peeling paint.
Roof leak damage on interior around the fireplace with drywall falling down.
Somebody poked holes in the walls & ceilings at various times during previous years, some old holes, some newer.
Living room painted medium/dark lavender.
One bedroom painted dark navy blue.
Another bedroom painted pea green.
Master bedroom painted lavender with some peeling wallpaper trim.
Mold/mildew in bathrooms.
Filthy kitchen.
Yard overgrown.
Almost forgot the stained carpeting and torn vinyl floor coverings.



Nope, I don't trust anything in MLS.

Then when I call to ATTEMPT to get truth, the first thing they want to know is what property I'm appraising!!!!! "Due to confidentiality laws, I cannot discuss that. Now your listing comments say....." (I really want to say, "None of your damn business!!!")
The listing agent then proceeds to try to sell me the house that was already sold, kinda like a parrot. That's why I usually call the selling agent..... who can't remember what the house looked like.

 

[CANative]

Agent comments from just a small sample of listings I'm looking right now:

A CHURCH IS COMMING IN NEXT DOOR AND A CONVENIECE STORE IS ACROSS THE STREET. CLOSE TO TOWN AND THE HOSPITAL GO DERECT

COMPLETELY REMODELED< NEW SIDING< DECKS< PAINT IN & OUT<CARPET/VINYL< CENTRAL HEAR/AIR CONDITIONING<, FENCED & EASY CARE LANDSCAPING< REFRIGERATOR< RANGE< DISHWASHER<DISPOSAL<

The < symbols are not my addition. He's obviously not familier with "," This property also featured central "hear" and air conditioning.

Surrounded by lots of mature fur trees "Fur" trees. Yechhh!

Beautiful open floor plans 2 overside bedrooms with large familyroom, formal diningroom, large livingroom located on 2 lots with an extra lot next door included. Vacant This agent likes to combine words.

Tenants are out. Trash is gone. Redundant description

New carpeting and lonoleum.

All my children and the neighbor's too, plus assorted cats and dogs will enjoy the huge fenced yard with shade trees that come with this home.

 

[Otis Key]

Of course, there's the spot to indicate if there's a fireplace and how many. Zero always seems to show up. Then you read the comments and it says "enjoy the warm fireplace in the family room and in the romantic master bedroom".

TaDa