Hello, I am Adrianna Biggers, John's 17 year old daughter. I made an account solely to reply to you.
My father was actually very physically unhealthy. He was actually told by doctors that the moment he had a heart attack he would die, unless he had surgery that we couldn't afford. That was likely part of the reason he killed himself.
But I want you to know; he was a good father, when I was younger he would take me everywhere, he was happy and caring and sweet... but he had issues. He had bipolar disorder and was left untreated. It didn't get bad until his health issues were more prominent and when he started getting old. As most mental illnesses do, they get worse as you age.
Please hear me out, I loved him. I still love him. I just wanted him to get better, to realize he needed to own up to things he had done, to get help mentally. I convinced my mom to move out, so she could get healthy too (trust me, they had fighting matches over the smallest things almost every day and they both were not mentally sound). After awhile they agreed to get a divorce. Thats when I encouraged my mom to start talking to other people, and dad was "taking medication and going to doctors". It's not that I don't believe he did, I just can't trust what he says. (I have found out a lot of things from himself and others overtime that he had lied to me about at a young age.) When they finally decided to get divorce papers and whatever goes along with all that, they day they were supposed to meet for that, he threatened suicide and then admitted himself to the hospital. Mom at this point knew he wouldn't cooperate, I did too.
When he died, he spent the hours before with my brother. I was at work. I received a text message from him 30 minuets after he dropped my brother off at home. It said, "I love you... This is your mom's fault.... I wish I didn't loose you... I felt like I lost you years ago... goodbye." I was not the only one he texted, he messaged my brother, my grandparents, his parents, and our friend Stinger. We have no clue what he said to my brother before he dropped him off, but now my brother is on medication.
Now, in the case of my mom, instead of texting her, he called her. Over the phone, my dad's last words were, "I hope you hear this sound every time you **** another man." and that is when he died.
I miss him, I do, I still love him, but I will never forgive him for what he did to my mom. I will never forgive him for how little compassion he showed when I was in the hospital for attempted suicide. I will not forgive him for what he did. He told me he knew things he did weren't always right. But I still love him, he gave me a childhood, he brought me into this world, and there was good in him. I just think he lost touch and knew we wouldn't let him get away with being an ******* anymore.
I wish he was back, I wish he could still walk me down the isle when I get married.
I wish I had seen that text message earlier.
I wish I had told him I loved him that day.
But I can't.
